I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
how does that bad decision feel?
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