Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
