nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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