i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
