If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
