let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
