I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
