You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
