Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
