I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
