I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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