i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
