Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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