It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
