Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
