Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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