wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
