forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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