I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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