one might say we're banned from that church
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
