I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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