One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
