Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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