I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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