I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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