Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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