You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
