Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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