we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
