I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
