I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
