how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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