Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
