if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
