He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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