they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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