The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
