do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
