Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
