time to smoke my breakfast
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
