if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
