I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
two words...techno handjob
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
