apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
