i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
