I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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