please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
two words...techno handjob
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
