Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
