I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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