we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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