its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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